Best Friends come in small packages

It is currently March 28. Today is an extremely important day. 20 years ago God gave my parents an angel in the form of my baby sister Mary.
Mary Elizabeth Holderbaum was born on March 28, 1991. It was a few days before Easter and a few hours before my grandma's birthday. She was the largest baby out of the three of us kids. Which if you see her now is ironic and hilarious.
My sister has been my best friend from a very young age. With us being 4 years apart I was the one she looked up to. Even as a kid I, was the one learning from my sister. She has taught me so much I am just blessed to know her.
For those of you that know her, you would agree she is an amazing woman. For those of you who don't, let me tell you she has a huge heart and a wonderful personality. She brightens up a room with her smile. Anything is possible in her world. She has the most contagious laugh I've heard in my life.
After most of our lives being right across the hall from each other my sister moved about 2 hours away. In July 2009 my sister got married and intern left home. It's very different not having her here even 2 years later. I miss her everyday. It's more difficult around birthdays and holidays.
Yesterday most of my family gathered for a birthday party for her and my grandma. I was unable to be there. That was very hard. Every part of me wanted to be there. I had to make a decision and it just wouldn't work, me going. I won't see her now for a month. That is very hard and emotional.
Now as far as sister's go, I'd have to say mine is the greatest in the world. My life would not be the same with out her. She has made me a better person. My Small Person (my nickname for her) has come through many struggles and still has an amazing outlook on life.
If I had half the optimism she does life would be a breeze. I guess that's the perfect example of how different God made us. She does inspire me to see the good in life.
This post isn't just about my feelings for my awesome Small Person. God brought her into this world for His glory. She is such a great testimony and a blessing. God has great things in store for her, that I'm sure. I pray that God uses her everyday. That she can be an example and help those around her.

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forgiveness

I watched this video about a month ago at MSU. I went and spent a day in the life of my brother. I got to stay with some amazing women and also go to movie night.
This trip was a planned for a few reasons. First, it was a way for me to spend time with my brother's wonderful girlfriend Sarah. I stayed with Sarah and her amazing roommate Allie. We had so much fun the first night having a girls night. Terrific and much needed.
The next day I got to spend quality time with Sarah. She is such an amazing woman. Beautiful on the inside and out. I was so blessed to have the time to spend getting to know her and bonding.
Second, it was a visit to see my brother. My brother, Jon, is 21 and a student at MSU. I don't see or talk to him very often so I went just to spend time with him.
He is very involved with Campus Crusade for Christ. He's one of the MC's for the Thursday night group called Real Life. I really wanted to see my brother in action, in his element. This was my chance to witness that.
It was movie night when I went. A little different then a usual Thursday. My brother kept apologizing for it being different. He didn't have to, God knew what I needed. He knew I needed to be in that room on that night.
This video was the second of three videos, but this was what God wanted me to see. I realized I have a forgiveness problem. I don't forgive well. I can't let things go. When someone hurts me I can't move on until they make it right.
I realize that it effects my life. Me not forgiving hinders my effectiveness for God. I can't be fully useful for God if I can't let things go. I put on a brave face and pretend things roll off my shoulders. They don't, little things eat at me.
My brother asked me what I thought after the meeting was over. I told him it was amazing and God was making me think. He wanted more details and I didn't have any. I need to think. I had to really take in what my heart was hearing.
This video really just brought me to my knees. I knew I needed some time to meditate on what God was saying to me. I got to do that on my ride home. About two hours of just talking to God.
There were many things I let go that night but one thing that was big was my brother. Until about a year and a half ago we didn't get along. Sometimes our fighting scared people. I did and said things I'm not proud of, so did he.
God really opened my eyes to how amazing Jon really is. I am so proud of the man he has become. I have been able to let go of the past and look forward to the future. I love that I can have my brother in my life.
I would not say I understand forgiveness. It's still hard to do. I would rather forgive and move on, enjoying everything God has for me, then being stuck. This experience was like no other and I thank my brother for that. Jon is a blessing to me and those around him. I thank God everyday for such an amazing brother and friend.

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family

Yesterday I felt a longing for my family. Right now they are scattered all over the United States. That includes immediate and extended family.
I am one of those kids that were raised around family. I'm Italian its what they do. Our extended family has always been very close to me as well. Holidays are just not enough sometimes.
I just keep thinking of families in the bible. Families used to live together in the same house and city. Like full families made up a single city.
Could you imagine your cousins being your neighbors? I'm lucky to see my cousins once a year. I haven't spent time with my cousin since June of last year (2010). I think I've talked to him on Facebook though. Facebook...how could families keep in touch with out the social media networks?
My heart is heavy as I think about how much times have changed. More and more people run away from their families. They want to escape the life they came from.
I understand the need. I am very lucky to have the family I do. I have been very blessed. God has given me a family that is fun and loves to laugh.
"God sets the lonely in families" Dr Bob said that this weekend and its true. I just wish my family was closer. That it wasn't a phone call here and a text there. Never really being able to be a part of each others lives.
We have changed since the bible. Due to jobs and the change from being a money based society instead of a trade base has made families different. Now we go to the job where ever that may be.
I know this is a random post. I was just thinking about it. My sister is my best friend and she has a whole life I'm not a part of. My brother is off at school and I'm lucky to hear from him every couple weeks.
Jesus walked with his brothers. Joseph lived with his brothers and there families. My grandparents lived in the same house growing up. One family upstairs, one family on the main level. It's just different now.
So please forgive my rant and whining. I just needed to get that out. My heart was feeling it, I needed to confess it.

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the valley

Have you ever felt like you were in a valley? Like God seem far away? I've felt that before. I was reading today in Genesis about Joseph and his story.
Talk about being in a valley. Can you imagine being so hated by your siblings they try to kill you? If that was all Joseph went through I'd say that stinks but he didn't die so celebrate. Oh but that was far from his lowest point.
If you know the story you know that Joseph had many highs as well. He became the head servant to the Egyptian captain of the guard. That was an honor. Good things however came to an end. Joseph ended up in prison.
Wrongfully accused Joseph sat in prison and still did not lose hope. He prayed and God blessed him. As Joseph sat in prison I wonder what thoughts went through his head.
If it were me I don't think I could he that strong. The story however goes on and ends very well for Joseph. He is blessed with title, family and riches. What a turning point?
I just keeping thinking Joseph had amazing faith. I try to have that faith. I know when I have been in the valley and God seems like He can't hear me all I have to do is pray.
God hears our cries. He knows what we are crying for before we cry. He created the earth He can bring us out of a valley.
The valley is where we are close to God. There is no where to go in a valley (think about the width of a valley). We learn some life lessons there. I have been shaped to the person I am today because of the valleys.
I just figured I would be say that. No matter how low you get. No matter how far of a chasm is that separates you from God, the Cross is bigger. God knows no bounds. He will provide. The Lord is good.

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realization

Have you ever just sat down and read the bible? I'm sure some of you are going "well yeah I have. Haven't you?" I thought I had. I sat down today and started reading the old testament.
I have heard the stories of the old testament but its different when you read them for yourself. You see what the children of God went through. They weren't perfect. I mean they were righteous and still made dumb mistakes.
It makes me feel like I'm not alone. Like the mistakes I've made won't keep me from being righteous. The bible talks about repenting and being made clean. I believe that, but Abraham was God's chosen.
How would I compare to the great men of the bible. Then I think about it. God loves me and chose me. If I.was the only person on the planet Jesus would have still died. God wants me to be the best me for Him.
Abraham may have made mistakes but he was faithful and followed God. He would repent when he made a mistake and that is what its about. I need to remember its a heart thing.
If my heart follows after God even if I mess up He is faithful to forgive me. He sets my path straight. That's my thought of the day.

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the little things

On a normal day I don't have big things happen. My day is made up of little things. I figured out that God wants to see what are decisions and reaction are to the little things.
For example, I was asked last night by the 4 year old I babysit if I would come to McDonald's for lunch today. Now I had originally planned to clean all morning so I could move back into my room today. However, I had a choice. The look in that little boys eyes plus a conversation with his mom and I knew I had to go.
I am not saying I was forced. I had a dilemma. My mind knew I needed to clean, but my heart wanted to pour love on this little boy and his family. My heart of course won. I had to change some plans but I will be going to lunch with them.
God gives us the little things to see our character. To shape the person we are so when the big things happen we are lights shining God's love. More people remember the little things when they see God in them. Even if they don't know it's God they see.
What do you choose when it comes to little things? Do you think they don't matter? God can use you no matter how small the choice. You can impact a city if God has that plan for you. Think about that today as you go about your day.

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hello world

I decided to start blogging again. This time with actual content. I have grown so much in Christ this past year and I know He is no where near finished.I want to share all the amazing things God can do when you have a servants heart. I am so blessed and can see His blessing on those around me when I surrender myself.
I am doing a 1 year devotional and reading the bible in a year. My devotional today talk about recognizing you've done wrong and evaluating yourself. In genesis Cain missed his opportunity to learn and recognize he was perfect.
I know I am not perfect and I'm learning to listen to the convictions the Holy Spirit gives me when I am wrong. We grow and can be used by God when we listen the convictions.

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